The mile hike along the rocky, fairly inclined Deep Gap Trail in the mid-day sun is moderately strenuous and yields a just reward. Perched on a massive boulder, the view of the Appalachian ranges in the Pisgah National Forest is wondrous: wave after wave of hazy blue ridges breaking onto the green forested valley. A cool caressing "sea" breeze provides the only disturbance to the waves of silence. (I try to momentarily ignore the reality that the haze has more to do with man-made pollution than natural mountain "smoke.")

However, driving home it's clear the back muscles are starting to tighten up. And by the time I return to the B&B, I'm out of it enough to improvise upon Henry Higgins: "The pain of strain drains body and the brain."

I've definitely got severe lower back strain. And suddenly I suspect that not nature but Nautilus is the culprit. That mid-life mania to get in shape. (And even this insight is shortsighted. More shortly.) At least I realize my motivation was less physical fitness and more an unconscious ploy to quell the mind malaise before it became a burnout blaze. So poetic, if not psychosomatic, justice: a misguided intervention for brain strain morphs into a case of back strain.

And now my body is compelling a rethinking of vacation strategy along with my diagnostic assessment. I start the Advil drill and the pain eventually becomes more tolerable, the movements a bit less restricted. Standing and, especially, sitting in place for more than a few minutes tightens and cramps the muscles. Duh! I'm doing prolonged sitting under intense, obsessively focused mind-body conditions at the computer practically every day.

So hiking is put on hold and recuperating along with short periods of hanging out at Malaprops, a wonderful bookstore/coffeehouse in downtown Asheville, takes on greater importance. (And Malaprops seems interested in a book signing and performance art program early next year. Will keep you posted.) Now the quest for a small pillow to place between my lower back and the back of a coffeehouse or restaurant chair or a car seat. And I spy the perfect pillow one with a picture of "The Scream" by the Norwegian artist, Edvard Munch. (The creators are "Two Unemployed Philosophers.") And even more wonderful, when you put pressure on this therapeutic object a plaintive, angst-ridden wail curdles around you. (I'm getting some great looks in public places. Upon my return to DC, I'm even using the pillow for feedback purposes with my therapy clients. When they declare something that is patently absurd or self-defeating I give a hard backward push. As a therapist, I can finally reveal my true feelings without saying a word. ;-)

And gradually, a four-day routine emerges: a) a pre-breakfast bath to loosen the back muscles; but as important, the soothingly, blank mind state induced by soaking in hot water. (Next time I bring bath oil.), b) a sinful breakfast composed of some combination of fresh orange juice, fresh fruit cup (ever have yummy, golden orange raspberries?), apple crepe-pancakes with real maple syrup, quiche-like creations, biscuits, grits, (I pass on the ham and sausage), c) a post-breakfast nap; the extra sleep seems to coax the silent fatigue carried from DC out of my system, d) reading the Wolfe biographies, as mentioned earlier, becomes a catalyst for examining some key values, priorities and goals, e) a late afternoon 15 minute car ride for " tea and" at Malaprops; some writing, then strolling aimlessly among the art and antique shops, f) dinner at the Mellow Mushroom; definitely recommend the karma pizza: toppings include spinach, sundried tomatoes, onions and feta cheese along with a thick chewy crust; (consider adding the spicy jerk chicken), g) on Saturday nights, Shindig on the Green; lying on a blanket, taking in the toe-tapping and, also, sweetly mournful Appalachian Mountain music sounds. And let's not forget the wonderful cloggers in native costumery for the men, western shirts, jeans and fast-moving/fast-talking cowboy boots whose taps make the dance floor "sing"; frilly red tops and red and white print skirts that playfully and sensually fan out as the ladies do their jigs and spins, h) back to the B&B (The Owl's Nest Inn in West Asheville) by 8pm to ponder two cool evening mountain sunsets from a hilltop vantage point. Framed within the v-like vista of two side-by-side sloping mountain ridges, the kaleidoscopic cloud show imperceptibly yet inevitably mixes, with a wistful sadness, peach-fuschia with darker and darker grays and finally i) a couple more hours of lying in bed and reflecting. (Okay, also a half hour answering email; so I can't totally let go.) So while somewhat disappointed at foregoing hiking in the mountains -- the exertion followed by the big picture serenity process still, I've quietly designed an uncommon state for this basically Type A New Yorker. Under the dictates of mind-body injury, the mental maze-haze lifts replaced by a psychic window for looking into the soul of relaxation.

The "R" Word

Relaxation! According to the first definition of Webster's Third New International: the act or fact of relaxing or being relaxed. Now let's consider Roget's International Thesuarus for the synonyms to the word "relax" for further illumination of body/brain strain and rehabilitation and rejuvenation:

1. compose oneself - yes, I had to calm myself, make some mental adjustments and pull together a vacation recovery plan
2. relieve - Advil & Aleve were the first line of muscle relaxant and pain relief; though I knew this was not a good long-term strategy
3. release - letting go of my preconceived plans and active intentions, grieving the loss of freedom and control was critical; as was grudgingly accepting the patient role
4. be at ease - no longer having Type A (for "Adventurer") expectations, I slowly evolved into a gentler pace and rhythm; I wasn't wimping out, I was just being "laid back"
5. have pity - okay, I allowed myself some whining and groaning, but then loosened my typical achievement human doing vs. human being standards. As I once observed: "There's a real difference between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling your sorrow. When you're feeling sorry for yourself you are blaming others. When you are feeling your sorrow you are revealing the courage of facing your pain." And believe me, even with anti-inflammatory medication, I was one with my pain!
6. slow - no doubt about it I was reverting to a Southern pace; of course, those heavy country breakfasts definitely induced morning torpor
7. not stand on ceremony - accepting my patient image was critical; at a restaurant, requesting a pillow for my back was open acknowledgment of my current impairment and dependency needs; why deprive myself of an enjoyable dinner?
8. entertain - to be open to new prospects and possibilities; also, lo and behold relaxing could be fun
9. amuse oneself - reading in bed, soaking in a bath, listening to the myriad of bird cries from the surrounding mountain forests while watching a blue heron streak across the sky were all ways of peacefully stimulating myself
10. loosen - easing expectations and standards, allowing myself to be a slacker was vital part of untightening the back muscles; (of course, a wise guy senior client of mine associated "relax" and "loosen" with "ex-lax")
11. pause - yes, stopping for self-inventory, using this time to ponder both the immediate recovery and the larger issues: 1) what factors contributed to the breakdown? and 2) and how can this mind-body strain be not just a danger but also an opportunity for modifying purposes, priorities and practices?
12. allow for - recognizing the realities of my condition while accepting new performance (actually, non-performance) standards enabled the discovery of a novel personal space-time-pace continuum
13. soften - it took awhile, but letting myself be less intense, less hard-edged, more flowing than controlling; allowing for more mental meandering without a sharp focus, engaging the world with more intuitive eyes and heart than analytic mind and reason and
14. yield - one final letting go opened up new opportunities and resources. I had to change bed & breakfasts for the last two nights (no rooms at the inn).

A bit perturbed, I slept on the recommendation of my hosts. The Hawk and Ivy was farther out, north of Asheville, which meant more driving to get around. This didn't sound too back friendly. Talking to the new proprietor, when my back came up, she mentioned having a great masseuse on call. Make my day! With great fortune, this B&B had once been a holistic healing center. I was ready to accept placing my rehab in another's hands.

And if two hands are good, why not four. No, not a "menage a massage," but I also accepted the proprieto's recommendation of a wonderful Chiropractor a half mile down the road. Dr. Frederick Kennedy's calming, sound and knowledgeable approach helped me relax into two back and neck adjustments, the Rice Krispies maneuver: I was "snapped, cracked and popped!" And I'll be damned if the back didn't feel better -- freer movement and reduced pain.

He shared some stretching exercises, which I'm now doing religiously. The new concept being to feel some good pain from the stretch then relaxing and letting go, softening the stretch and your general body tension. The Chirodoc also recommended a Yoga class to better integrate mind-body consciousness.

Of course, with my vacation mindset waning, I recommended we team up to offer mind-body stress relief workshops. As noted by the Secretary of Labor, musculoskeletal problems are the biggest source of medical conditions in today's workplace. And the Stress Doc is living proof.

Fortunately, his message was followed by a blissful ninety-minute massage, though some of that "deep tissue" work "hurt good." The masseuse's soft Southern drawl complemented her firm sure hands.

Final Thoughts Our semantic framework reveals that an ability to relax fully involves adjustments in the physical, psychological, performance, social support and spiritual realms. Bringing life to the synonyms illuminates how critical relaxation is for realizing both optimal mind-body health and for preserving our sanity along with discovering some serenity.

While not out of the back woods, perhaps the uncluttered, slow and soft gazing mountain vision has helped me begin to distinguish the forest from the trees, and to plant new seeds. I truly have a newfound appreciation for the simplicity and complexity of relaxation. Look for a future essay on the wonders of relaxation: "The Top Ten Benefits of "R & R" Being Receptive and Reflective on an Incubation Vacation." And, of course, one gift of relaxation is allowing us to Practice Safe Stress!

References:

• Iyanla Vanzant, One Day My Soul Just Opened Up: 40 Days and 40 Nights Towards Spiritual Strength and Personal Growth, Paperback / Simon & Schuster Trade / December 1997
• Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go, M. Beattie / Hardcover / Fine Communications / November 1997

11/03/00

Mark Gorkin is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, speaker, trainer and "Online Psychohumorist," known throughout the web, AOL, and the nation as "The Stress Doc." Specialty areas: organizational change and conflict, team building, creativity and humor. (1616 18th Street, NW #312, Washington, DC 20009-2530, (202) 232-8662).