Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three years. The same company employs us. It kills me to see him with other girls. He still calls me but I just want to get over him. I get physically ill when I hear stories about him. What shall I do about getting him out of my system?

Answer

Seeing your ex-boyfriend daily, hearing from him on the phone, and hearing stories about him does not permit you grieve the end of your relationship. Ideally you should be working in a different department where you do not have to see him so regularly. But this may not be feasible. Consider explaining to your friends that they are not being helpful by telling stories about him. Tell them that you do not wish to hear about him. If they do not refrain, they are not being your friends. Likewise, you may consider telling him that you do not want to hear from him. Seeing him daily is bad enough. It's like picking on a wound, making healing difficult. When a relationship ends, it takes a while to mourn the loss even when you may be the one who initiated the termination.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not getting over it sooner. Three years is a long time. It may take several months for you to heal completely.

3/5/98

Dr. Edward A. Dreyfus is a Clinical Psychologist, Marriage, Family, Child Therapist, and Sex Therapist. Dr. Dreyfus has been providing psychological services in the Los Angeles-Santa Monica area for over 30 years. He offers individual psychotherapy to adolescents and adults, divorce mediation, couples counseling, group therapy, and career and vocational counseling and assessment.His book, Someone Right For You, is available in the Amazing Bookstore Catalog.

Dr. Dreyfus can be reached at: (310) 208-5700.