Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I'm a 42 year old divorcee and have begun to date. Within the first or second date, the men bring up sex and even make insistent passes. I speak to friends and other single women and men and they indicate that it is not unusual to have sex on the 1st or 2nd date. I feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable with knowing someone such a short time to begin a sexual relationship.

Answer

You are the captain of your ship! If you don't feel comfortable, don't begin a sexual relationship. Remember that your feelings of being overwhelmed is a warning and danger sign that you need to be true to yourself. Some people can not, or choose not, to control their sexual impulses and need to express them immediately. You do not have to follow this route. When in Rome, don't do as the Romans do, unless you feel comfortable.

3/5/98

Dr. Patricia Pitta is a clinical psychologist practicing in Manhasset, New York, for more than 20 years. She is a Diplomat in Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association and an Approved Supervisor of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Pitta is also the President of the Long Island Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.

She has created a treatment modality that enables the partners to accept responsibility for their parts in relationship problems leading to resolution of issues without getting stuck in blame. She encourages self growth which enhances couple growth and family development.