Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I have been dating this man for 10 months. Our sex life has been one that is growing and developing. My partner always complains about how he wants to get closer to me. I am receptive to his requests both emotionally and sexually, but it never seems to be enough for him. I feel worn and exhausted. I feel he uses sex as a release of tension and without consideration for me.

Answer

It appears that you feel your relationship has been growing with this man, but you also sound like you are not being related to for who you are. It sounds like an activity is going on, but consideration for your needs is lacking. You may consider mentioning this to your partner when you are not involved in sexual activity at first, and then again when you begin to have sexual contact. If he is using sexuality as a tension releaser rather than as a bonding and relating activity, it might be important you point this out to him. If he has so much tension, maybe he could find other outlets as exercise or talking to a psychologist, to release some of his tension. If his tension decreases, and your ability to communicate together about what you each need from the experience, perhaps your sexual activity will become more meaningful a for both of you. Reaching this goal should leave you energized rather than exhausted.

3/5/98

Dr. Patricia Pitta is a clinical psychologist practicing in Manhasset, New York, for more than 20 years. She is a Diplomat in Family Psychology of the American Psychological Association and an Approved Supervisor of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy. Dr. Pitta is also the President of the Long Island Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.

She has created a treatment modality that enables the partners to accept responsibility for their parts in relationship problems leading to resolution of issues without getting stuck in blame. She encourages self growth which enhances couple growth and family development.