Please remember, this column is designed to help the consumer seeking behavioral-health information, and not intended to be any form of psychotherapy or a replacement for professional, individualized services. Opinions expressed in the column are those of the columnist and do not represent the position of other SelfhelpMagazine.com staff.

Question

I am interested in a man who works in my office. He is not on the same team but we have a lot of contact on a daily basis. I would like to ask him on a date. What should I do?

Answer

Proceed with caution! It is natural that romantic interests happen at work but when they don't work out (or even if they do) things can get very messy. Some guidelines:

1. Check to see if your employer has a policy regarding dating in the workplace. Some discourage or forbid dating especially if direct supervision is involved. Make sure you are not risking your job.

2. Any suggestive remark can be seen as sexual harassment. If you wish to ask someone on a date, I suggest asking him outside of work and be clear. State. "I am interested in seeing you socially and that I would understand if you are not interested". Then, stick to your word. Don't pursue him, it will make him uncomfortable.

3. Don't treat him any differently at work. If you feel this will be impossible, try to find social venues to meet men.

Good Luck.

3/12/98

Annemarie Infantino Murphy, Ph.D.